If you are a college student, and your campus is shut down due to a blizzard, what, pray tell, do you do with yourself? You get likkered up and engage in wacky antics, that’s what.
One of my students came in on crutches this morning. I asked what had happened, and the following story was sheepishly related:
Over the weekend there was an epic “around the world” party in the dorms (though our campus is technically dry — wink, wink). Everyone consumed enough antifreeze to go out and play in the snow. Many snow penii and obscene statues were constructed. There was a great deal of sledding, using cafeteria trays.
Eventually, as happens at most college parties, pantslessness occured.
Mr. P decided to up his game, and climbed up onto the portico roof of Residence Hall Ranchero Panthero — the better to drop trou, turn around and utter a Rebel yell while slapping his butt cheeks to draw admiring catcalls from his buddies. As he looked up, he realized that the portico roof was directly under the bay window of Ranchero Panthero’s very staid and easily-outraged house mother — who had phone in hand to summon Campus Security.
He uttered an “Oh, shit!” and trid to simultaneously hoist his britches, spin around and duck out of sight — but having consumed his weight in Malibu, his coordination was not what it needed to be to successfully pull off the maneuver.
(You know where this is going, don’t you?)
He fell off the roof and landed in a snow drift, pants still around his ankles — one of which was now broken. Then he had to lie there in the snow (a few friends got him a blanket, thank God)while an ambulance was called to haul him away to the local hospital. His RA had to notify his parents, who were Not Amused At All to be summoned to school to deal with an injured son who now has a disciplinary action pending for under-aged drinking in the dorms.
