If you are writing your final argumentative essay on drug legalization, at no point should you refer to yourself as “an amateur pharmacist” or “pharmaceutical enthusiast.” Declaring your intent to major in chem to create your own designer drugs as  a potential path to future wealth is questionable.

Nor should you bring your four-foot high, multi-colored glass bubbler-bong to class as a visual aid — no matter “how sweet this bitch pulls!” Ditto on the rolling papers, clever stash box, and any other paraphenalia. I am also less than enthused in the reviews offered of various head shops downtown and the wares they purvey.

Offering to hand out samples or hook admiring classmates up is also verboten.

Good God.