• “Discuss” — along with  “write,” “analyze,” “answer” (as a verb), “respond” (as in: respond to a prompt), “compare,” “contrast,” and “argue” are not synonyms for “plagiarize the living fuck out of a Wikipedia article.” This is why I hate take-home exams. I spend more time sorting out plagiarism that actually grading papers.
• Trying to guilt me into upping your grade by telling me if you fail this class your parents will kill you, take away privileges or that you  won’t be allowed to come back to school for the spring semester is not going to work.
• Asking me the parameters and scope of a paper assignment the morning of day the God damned thing is due is fairly stupid. If I get an e-mail thirty minutes before class starts, and then you’re absent, I know what’s up.
• When I occasionally give an essay exam,  I enjoy it when students leave problems blank on exams. It makes grading the exams really easy and really quick – because I know the alternative was a total bullshit answer that would have required 2-3 minutes of untangling before garnering the same zero points.
• The correct time to email me about what you can do to raise your grade is  before we get so far into the term that it’s impossible, and most definitely before grades have closed. I’m not going to sport you fifteen extra grade points (especially considering it would only get you to a “D,” which still mandates a re-take), nor do I want to go through the goat-rope of grade-change forms.
• It’s “for all intents and purposes,” not “for all intensive purposes.”  Don’t make me want to club you with my Norton anthology.
• Having your mom call to to try and arrange/force me in to some sort of intensive, two-week Christmas crash course to improve your failing grade will not work, and I will think that you are pathetic for getting your mom involved. Don’t be a worm — accept that you fucked up, and take it next semester.